Over the last few months, I've become somewhat obsessed with stand-up comedy. Being in NYC, I'm lucky enough to have a variety of places to see quality comedians. Over the last few weeks I've seen Jim Norton, Jim Gaffigan, Louis CK, Joe Derosa, a few open mic nights, and tonight I'll be seeing Dave Attel.
I don't know what it is, but there is something about standing in front of a bunch of strangers with a microphone to try and make them laugh that is very appealing to me. It seems simple enough, but can be the most excruciating experience to see somebody go on stage and just absolutely bomb. It's awkward for everyone involved.
It's an art. Within the community of comedians, it's just like any other form of art. Everyone has his or her's own style and you can lose your credit within that community for ripping material or being a hack.
Aside from the actual show, the act of going to a comedy club is great. Everyone is drinking, laughing and just having a good time.
This post was just a tip-of-the hat to all those comedians and aspiring comedians out there. And for anybody who hasn't experienced a good comedy set, ditch the bar scene and give it a go with a group of friends one night...guaranteed good time.
Here is a clip from one of my favorite comedians (who I will hopefully see in 2011)...enjoy:
- Diddy
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Was anybody watching NCAA women's hoops last night? Didn't think so.
 |
| Notice this highschool player doing something that nobody on the UCONN women's team is capable of...dunking a ball. |
The only way I can compare this is if I go golfing with a girl and she boasts that she beat me....from the red tees. Yea, you won. But, you were playing from a much easier position.
I never hear anybody comparing WNBA teams to NBA for winning streaks. Because everyone knows that you can't compare the talent pools. The same should stand for all women's sports. I'm sorry, but they're just not as interesting because the skill level lacks severely from men athletics.
Eighty-nine wins is impressive. But you take this UCONN team to a ranked men's HIGHSCHOOL team, and I think it would be a loss. Why do I think this? If you have one male basketball player in the post that's bigger than the girl, it's a wrap. Plain and simple. Basketball is one sport that if you're bigger, stronger, faster and can jump higher....you're going to win. I don't care how many consecutive wins they have.
And for any women reading this who are getting offended...Look, if they want to be taken seriously, can they at least try using a regulation men's basketball? I've seen some friends par out on a course in golf, but they're not comparing their game to a PGA pro...because they know it's completely different circumstances and they're in another league. Yes, that score can be compared to the pros, but you're not a pro, and ESPN won't be covering your great round tomorrow morning.
I'm not blaming the UCONN women's team for anything. I'm blaming the media for making this a story about this winning streak being the best in ALL OF DIVISION I BASKETBALL.
Even if you don't want to believe the comparisons between men and women sports, just look at the makeup of women's teams. You're either amazing or terrible. The best girls in the country go to one school to play ball, UCONN...and in the past, Tennessee. Men's programs have more intense recruiting efforts, and with the talent, you can see teams like Oakland upset Michigan State. You're not going to see a small school upset women's UCONN because it's most likely a bunch of walk-ons trying to get exercise.
Sorry girls, but you're record means nothing outside of your sport.
-Diddy
Friday, December 17, 2010
Is it creepy going to the movies alone??
Good morning NBD readers. Since I'm bored at work right now, I'm trying to figure out if I should get drunk tonight or go to a movie. I LOVE movies. I especially love when a good movie comes out that I've been patiently waiting for. Tonight, The Fighter is out and it looks pretty damn good, and getting great reviews.
This led me to think about the actual act of going out to see a movie. Have you ever gone out to see a movie alone? I've never accomplished the act of having enough self-confidence to go to a movie by myself. It just seems weird to me. Going to a movie and going out to a restaurant just seem like acts that you need a companion, preferably of the other sex.
I don't know about you, but if I see old men going to movies and restaurants alone, I automatically think they're creepers.
There are also double standards for going to a movie. I was talking about this subject at the last movie I saw when I saw two males (they weren't dating or gay) sitting together at a movie. For some reason it seems perfectly normal for two girls to go see a movie together, but when you see two guys, it just doesn't look right. I guess the stereotypical "dinner and a movie" date premise made it seem like dinner and movies are reserved for couples.
Because of this, I have failed to see several films because my friendgirls didn't agree with my taste in movies. Whenever I'm put in the situation where I have to choose to go see a movie alone or pick another activity to do, it usually results with me going out to the bars or staying home and getting baked watching DVDs. I'd like to start a movement. No longer should movies and dinner be reserved for couples. Be as creepy as you want, and dare to go do these events alone.
With that said, any cute girls out there want to go see The Fighter tonight?
- Diddy
This led me to think about the actual act of going out to see a movie. Have you ever gone out to see a movie alone? I've never accomplished the act of having enough self-confidence to go to a movie by myself. It just seems weird to me. Going to a movie and going out to a restaurant just seem like acts that you need a companion, preferably of the other sex.
I don't know about you, but if I see old men going to movies and restaurants alone, I automatically think they're creepers.
There are also double standards for going to a movie. I was talking about this subject at the last movie I saw when I saw two males (they weren't dating or gay) sitting together at a movie. For some reason it seems perfectly normal for two girls to go see a movie together, but when you see two guys, it just doesn't look right. I guess the stereotypical "dinner and a movie" date premise made it seem like dinner and movies are reserved for couples.
Because of this, I have failed to see several films because my friendgirls didn't agree with my taste in movies. Whenever I'm put in the situation where I have to choose to go see a movie alone or pick another activity to do, it usually results with me going out to the bars or staying home and getting baked watching DVDs. I'd like to start a movement. No longer should movies and dinner be reserved for couples. Be as creepy as you want, and dare to go do these events alone.
With that said, any cute girls out there want to go see The Fighter tonight?
- Diddy
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Glenn Beck Fact Checking Part I
As if my posts don't show it, for the most part, I have liberal views. In a perfect world, politics wouldn't be grouped into two parties and there wouldn't be labels on elections. In a perfect world, you would base every election on the issues and wouldn't base your campaign around delegitimizing your opponent. But, of course that's not how it works, and you have your "liberal" media (New York Times?) and "conservative" media (Fox News). I really don't care what people's views are, and try not to get in any arguments, but I also try to get a glimpse of both sides.
I tried to watch a full episode of Glenn Beck, but it's really hard. I can't understand if he wants to preach about religion or politics. Since nowadays, Christianity and Conservatives go hand-in-hand, it makes sense. Recently, liberal comedian Bill Maher bashed Beck for being a sell out and claimed that he just decided to get religious with his rants because it's easier to sway an audience and make a dollar taking that route. And I tend to be on that wave length that if you paid him enough money, he'd be preaching liberal views. What many people don't know is Beck used to be (and I think he still has some sort of tour) a stand-up comedian....a bad one. If he had a show set up like the Daily Show or Colbert Report, it would be much easier to listen to him since it would have comedic undertones. Dennis Miller is a conservative, and I find his act funny and sharp. He shares his views, makes jokes but doesn't press his views on others.
Beck claims that the government uses scare tactics and is trying to control our lives like Nazi Germany....Yet to get his points across he uses....scare tactics. Aside from comedians, nobody seems to speak out against some of the "historical" bullshit that Beck claims as facts, until today. CNN's Fareed Zakaria heard Beck's radio show and had a response to one of Becks "stats". He claimed that the number of Muslims who are terrorists is 10 percent...which would equal approximately 157 million Muslim terrorists. Zakaria had a calm, factual response to Beck...they even put it on a virtual chalk board so Beck can process it. Story and video here: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2010/12/cnn-host-slams-beck-claim-10-percent-muslims-terrorists/
For anybody that watches and respects Beck...I really don't care. But when they start taking his show like it's some sort of factual journalism....Just remember, there is a reason you don't see any big chain stores advertising on Beck's show anymore. Zakaria stated it plain and simple when referring to Beck's "claims"....total nonsense.
And just so you don't think I'm making up the part about him being a stand-up...Here is a trailer for one of his DVDs called "Unelectable" from 2008...I vote to change the title of the DVD to "Unwatchable."
- Diddy
I tried to watch a full episode of Glenn Beck, but it's really hard. I can't understand if he wants to preach about religion or politics. Since nowadays, Christianity and Conservatives go hand-in-hand, it makes sense. Recently, liberal comedian Bill Maher bashed Beck for being a sell out and claimed that he just decided to get religious with his rants because it's easier to sway an audience and make a dollar taking that route. And I tend to be on that wave length that if you paid him enough money, he'd be preaching liberal views. What many people don't know is Beck used to be (and I think he still has some sort of tour) a stand-up comedian....a bad one. If he had a show set up like the Daily Show or Colbert Report, it would be much easier to listen to him since it would have comedic undertones. Dennis Miller is a conservative, and I find his act funny and sharp. He shares his views, makes jokes but doesn't press his views on others.
Beck claims that the government uses scare tactics and is trying to control our lives like Nazi Germany....Yet to get his points across he uses....scare tactics. Aside from comedians, nobody seems to speak out against some of the "historical" bullshit that Beck claims as facts, until today. CNN's Fareed Zakaria heard Beck's radio show and had a response to one of Becks "stats". He claimed that the number of Muslims who are terrorists is 10 percent...which would equal approximately 157 million Muslim terrorists. Zakaria had a calm, factual response to Beck...they even put it on a virtual chalk board so Beck can process it. Story and video here: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2010/12/cnn-host-slams-beck-claim-10-percent-muslims-terrorists/
For anybody that watches and respects Beck...I really don't care. But when they start taking his show like it's some sort of factual journalism....Just remember, there is a reason you don't see any big chain stores advertising on Beck's show anymore. Zakaria stated it plain and simple when referring to Beck's "claims"....total nonsense.
And just so you don't think I'm making up the part about him being a stand-up...Here is a trailer for one of his DVDs called "Unelectable" from 2008...I vote to change the title of the DVD to "Unwatchable."
- Diddy
Monday, December 6, 2010
Man vs. Charcoal
Yesterday, I celebrated one of man's best traditions: Tailgating. While there are girls out there that enjoy tailgating, I feel it's truly a manly tradition. Drinking, eating, watching football... It epitomizes being a man. That's why it hurts to admit that I (along with a lot of other 20-somethings) am not as manly as I should be.
The reason behind this thinking is simple. ANYBODY can tailgate. It doesn't take any skills to eat or drink or sit on your ass and watch a football game. But, when it comes time to lighting a charcoal grill, and actually setting up a "manly" tailgate, it doesn't take a lot of things to go wrong before you're left with cold charcoal and uncooked hamburger meat.
I drove down early Sunday morning with a buddy to get the day going. We packed up the car with (what I thought) were the essentials: burgers, chicken, beer, grill, bag of charcoal, condiments, tequila. What we forgot: plates, forks, spatulas/grilling equipment, common sense.
I have attempted to light three charcoal grills in my life. One time was successful with a self-lighting bag, one time was semi-successful that included a hint of lighter fluid with every bite of burger, and yesterday was just completely unsuccessful.
After about 20 minutes, a half bottle of lighter fluid and a Sunday edition of a shredded Daily News, all I had to show for my efforts was flaming debris that was flying over the parking lot and cold charcoal. You'd be surprised how un-manly it feels to be defeated by a grill. Luckily, we had another friend who met us there with a gas grill, but still....I felt pretty empty inside as we had to treck 3 miles to the other side of the stadium (lugging all our tailgating gear).
To solve this problem, I plan on doing what every self-respecting man does...Go buy a really nice gas grill for tailgating.
-Diddy
I drove down early Sunday morning with a buddy to get the day going. We packed up the car with (what I thought) were the essentials: burgers, chicken, beer, grill, bag of charcoal, condiments, tequila. What we forgot: plates, forks, spatulas/grilling equipment, common sense.
I have attempted to light three charcoal grills in my life. One time was successful with a self-lighting bag, one time was semi-successful that included a hint of lighter fluid with every bite of burger, and yesterday was just completely unsuccessful.
After about 20 minutes, a half bottle of lighter fluid and a Sunday edition of a shredded Daily News, all I had to show for my efforts was flaming debris that was flying over the parking lot and cold charcoal. You'd be surprised how un-manly it feels to be defeated by a grill. Luckily, we had another friend who met us there with a gas grill, but still....I felt pretty empty inside as we had to treck 3 miles to the other side of the stadium (lugging all our tailgating gear).
To solve this problem, I plan on doing what every self-respecting man does...Go buy a really nice gas grill for tailgating.
-Diddy
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Meanwhile, in Fantasy Land...
Well, if there were two people who shouldn't be allowed to talk about absitinence, it's Bristol Palin and The Situation. This latest gem has been making its way across the blogosphere. I watched the YouTube video, but my tolerance for the word "situation" is set at a MAXIMUM of hearing it five times in a minute. So it's no surprise that I had to grind my teeth while hearing the word "situation" 17 times during this 1:45 video clip.
This video was released through The Candie's Foundation. Now, I looked up the page because I really wasn't sure if this was supposed to be a REAL PSA about abstinence and safe sex. It just looked like shitty improv to me. And the Candie's site doesn't make their message of safe sex very clear. FYI, if you have an organization website with a serious cause, using black and hot pink as your background and border colors doesn't exactly relay the message correctly. The homepage has the video with links to "behind the scene footage." I can only imagine what happened behind the scenes, but I do know that it would be amazing to see the offspring if the Situation and B Palin actually had sex and created some strange mutant with their DNA.
And a message to Candie's Foundation: FYI, when I see those anti-marijuana commercials, it just makes me want to roll a fatty real bad....just throwin' that out there. I want to call this PSA complete shit, but I can't. This PSA takes me back to the '90s when these commercials were trendy. I mean, nothing gets accomplished, but it's just nice seeing a throwback shitty PSA.
- Diddy
This video was released through The Candie's Foundation. Now, I looked up the page because I really wasn't sure if this was supposed to be a REAL PSA about abstinence and safe sex. It just looked like shitty improv to me. And the Candie's site doesn't make their message of safe sex very clear. FYI, if you have an organization website with a serious cause, using black and hot pink as your background and border colors doesn't exactly relay the message correctly. The homepage has the video with links to "behind the scene footage." I can only imagine what happened behind the scenes, but I do know that it would be amazing to see the offspring if the Situation and B Palin actually had sex and created some strange mutant with their DNA.
And a message to Candie's Foundation: FYI, when I see those anti-marijuana commercials, it just makes me want to roll a fatty real bad....just throwin' that out there. I want to call this PSA complete shit, but I can't. This PSA takes me back to the '90s when these commercials were trendy. I mean, nothing gets accomplished, but it's just nice seeing a throwback shitty PSA.
- Diddy
Monday, November 29, 2010
What it must feel like to be 4 years old
Hello NBD readers. I apologize for the lack of posts over the holiday break. Since our last post, NBD has surpassed 1,000 page views, which is an accomplishment since the readership mainly consists of friends who are bored at work.
Over the break, I've had some feedback from certain people. The feedback was good, but they wanted to know why I ranted so much. For the most part, I'm laid back and don't stress about much, but since starting this blog, I find myself being much more critical on everyday life topics than pre-blog life.
Aside from Thanksgiving, I had my nephew's 4th birthday party this past weekend...And it was awesome. I'm not saying awesome in the sense that it was a kegger and everyone got hammered and had a good time. I'm talking about awesome looking at how ecstatic my nephew was. I also thought I could learn alot from him....yea, that's right, a 4 year old.
For those who don't know, a 4 year old finds enjoyment out of the little things in life...really little. Blowing out his birthday candles was the main event for the night. He was looking forward to blowing out his candles and eating a specialty B-Day cake for about a month (probably longer, but he only was vocal about it this month).
Stealing a line from one of my favorite movies, Pulp Fiction....Watching him blow out his candles, I had what alcoholics call a "moment of clarity." It's sad to say, but I can't recall the last time I found as much enjoyment in ANYTHING that compares to my nephew blowing out birthday candles.
So, from here on out, it's time to enjoy the little things in life. I'm not saying that the ranting will stop in NBD, but changes WILL be made. I won't get blackout drunk when faced with adversity...well, at least I'll try not to. When people don't say "thank you" when I hold a door open for them, I won't say "fuck you" back to them in my mind (or under my breath). In a nutshell, I need an outlook on life like a 4 year old...hmm is this possible?
-Diddy
Over the break, I've had some feedback from certain people. The feedback was good, but they wanted to know why I ranted so much. For the most part, I'm laid back and don't stress about much, but since starting this blog, I find myself being much more critical on everyday life topics than pre-blog life.
Aside from Thanksgiving, I had my nephew's 4th birthday party this past weekend...And it was awesome. I'm not saying awesome in the sense that it was a kegger and everyone got hammered and had a good time. I'm talking about awesome looking at how ecstatic my nephew was. I also thought I could learn alot from him....yea, that's right, a 4 year old.
For those who don't know, a 4 year old finds enjoyment out of the little things in life...really little. Blowing out his birthday candles was the main event for the night. He was looking forward to blowing out his candles and eating a specialty B-Day cake for about a month (probably longer, but he only was vocal about it this month).
Stealing a line from one of my favorite movies, Pulp Fiction....Watching him blow out his candles, I had what alcoholics call a "moment of clarity." It's sad to say, but I can't recall the last time I found as much enjoyment in ANYTHING that compares to my nephew blowing out birthday candles.
So, from here on out, it's time to enjoy the little things in life. I'm not saying that the ranting will stop in NBD, but changes WILL be made. I won't get blackout drunk when faced with adversity...well, at least I'll try not to. When people don't say "thank you" when I hold a door open for them, I won't say "fuck you" back to them in my mind (or under my breath). In a nutshell, I need an outlook on life like a 4 year old...hmm is this possible?
-Diddy
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The NY Jeters
There aren't too many figures in sports that define winning. Jeter is one of them. I believe it was Jerry Seinfeld who once said that in today's sports, all you're rooting for is laundry. Players come and go now for bloated contracts, and every year you can see a whole new team run on the field. You're just rooting for the shirts they're wearing. That's just the way a business is run. And I understand that baseball is still a business, especially to the ones with the checkbook.
However, the fact that it's been over 20 minutes of free agency for Jeter is a travesty. If there is one team in sports that shouldn't put a price tag on a contract as important as Jeter's, it's the Yankees. For those who don't know, or remember, some of the shitty contracts that the Yanks have handed out over the years, allow me to enlighten you:
Carl "may he burn in hell" Pavano: $39.9 million/4 years
Kei Igawa: $46 million (including negotiating fees)/5 years
Steve Karsay: $22 million/4 years
Rondell White: $10 million/2 years
Jaret Wright: $20 million/3 years
AJ "can't make a playoff starting rotation" Burnett: $82 million/5 years
Jason "Giambino" Giambi: $120 million/7 years
Yeaaaaa.....Now, Jeter's contract is larger than these, but the point is to look at the money they've spent over the last decade. Most of that money could've helped the Yanks more if they burned it and pissed on the ashes, literally (I actually think Pavano may have done that).
These contracts were dealt out quickly and, for the most part, without notice. To think that it was a quick decision to deal $26 million to NEGOTIATE a contract with Kei Igawa, yet we're playing hardball with Jeter's contract is mind-boggling. There is a generation of fans that spend ass-loads of money supporting the Yankees that were raised on Derek Jeter moments.
You know what...maybe they should decide to stop wearing pinstripes. Or take out Memorial Park. Because to me, and many other fans, Jeter is just as important to the franchise.
If George was still alive, a blank check would've been made out to Jeter the day that the season ended. I bet Jeter brought more happiness to The Boss than his idiot sons ever have.
So, as a pissed off fan, I can make one promise. If Jeter isn't a Yankee next year, I will trade in my pinstripes for good. They can sell their overpriced tickets and beer to some other rube.
- Diddy
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Screw you, Steve Jobs
Recently, I reconfigured my computer and re-installed all my essential software, including iTunes. To my surprise, iTunes was picking up more music from my external hard drive than before. So, I thought it would be a good idea to clean out my iPod and upload all the music again and get it organized.
I plug the iPod in, and let iTunes start syncing all my music. I have 80GB worth of music, so I let it sit there over night. I woke up to see that the syncing was unsuccessful with weird error notices and my iPod remained empty. This continued to happen over and over again, until I was forced to go song by song, and even then, iTunes would crash after 10 minutes. After a month of trying different shit, I finally have a program to bypass iTunes and upload music, but it takes long...My iPod has been syncing for three days and is still not complete.
After reading up about my problem, I found forums of people having the same problem with iPod classics. Apple offers no help. If you want to talk to tech support, it's 30 bucks to talk to them over the phone, plus other charges after the session....FOR TECH SUPPORT!?
One post said that Apple has created a bug on purpose....Whenever those annoying messages come up to upgrade to iTunes 10.2.2.1.1.1.1.1.1 or whatever new version they create, DON'T UPGRADE. Some believe that Apple creates iTunes glitches that won't let you sync older apple devices in order to get the customers to upgrade...and trust me...if you saw the errors coming up in my iTunes, it doesn't seem all that far-fetched.
I read all the time about Steve Jobs answering personal emails from the general public and you BEST BELIEVE I will be emailing him and his gay black turtleneck that he wears for every public appearance.
I'm tired of buying Apple shit because it's trendy. Apple used to be the shitty computers that you use in school...Remember? Now they think they can get us to buy whatever useless device they put out as long as it's stamped with an apple logo and has some stupid commercial with Indie music playing.
If Steve Jobs somehow stumbles upon this post while Googling his name late at night (I'm taking a guess about what he does on his free time), NBD has this to say to you....FUCK YOU STEVE JOBS!
- Diddy
Friday, November 12, 2010
An open letter to Metro North commuters....
Before I get into my letter, I'd like to explain the event that sparked my anger toward my fellow commuters. On this past Sunday afternoon, I was on a train down to the city and my phone rang. It was my buddy telling me where we should meet up. I was on the phone for a total of three minutes, and while talking quietly for those three minutes, the old bag sitting next to me turned and gave me a "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."
I didn't think much of it, and continued to talk. Thirty seconds later, when I hung up my phone, she turns to me and says (in a much louder voice than I was talking) "NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOUR BUSINESS!"
In my mind, I was envisioning me reacting with physical force....I mean, I would never hit a female, but shaking her really hard wasn't out of the question. From the looks of her, I knew she was on her way home to her empty apartment and 30 cats, so I just responded with, "Relax lady, it's the weekend." That led me to this post. For my fellow commuters who still haven't caught on to basic commuting etiquette, continue reading.
Dear Harlem Line Commuters:
I know I've seen the same 30 or 40 faces every day for the last three years and I haven't said a word to any of you, but there is a reason. I live by a few rules that make commuting as tolerable as possible. Please read below and don't take anything personal:
Rule 1: There is a system for seating. First, everyone fills up the window seats in the two seaters and three seaters. The next wave of passengers should fill up the outside seat of the three seaters. The next wave of people should be filling the two seaters. IF YOU MUST, the third wave can intrude, and sit bitch in the three seaters. I never sit middle in the three seaters, because I feel it's better for me to be uncomfortable for a few minutes standing, rather than making all three of us uncomfortable squished in a three seater...I guess you can call me a humanitarian. For most women, it could be perfectly acceptable to sit bitch and still leave some wiggle room for the other two passengers. But for men...just man-up and stand...most likely you'll be sitting at work all day anyway, right?
Rule 2: Yes, there are cell phone rules. In the morning commute, there should be no phone chatter longer than 15 seconds (the ample amount of time to tell that somebody that you're on the train and will talk to them later). In the afternoon, it's still not acceptable to have lengthy convos. Keep it brief, keep it quiet and emphasize you're on the train to show other commuters you have them in mind. Now...there IS an exception. Fridays and weekends are fair-game for appropriate phone conversation. I'm not saying be obnoxious about it, but it's perfectly fine to have a quiet phone call...It's the weekend and nobody is on the grind. If this still annoys people who are sitting next to you, politely tell them that there are six other cars they can go sit in.
Rule 3: Keep conversation with fellow commuters strictly business, unless there is a pre-existing relationship. This rule is one I came up with, and for good reason. I bump into alot of people on my travels, and I only have a desire to talk to about 2 percent of them. If you see people every day and want to be friendly, a simple hello or head nod is all you need. Even if you think you're friends, I guarantee they rather be sleeping on that morning train. This also brings up flirting. I see this happen from time-to-time and if it's not going well, I start to feel awkward on the inside for the brave young men getting shot down. Just remember in the back of your mind that you will have to see these people every day for however long you will continue to commute. If your cheesy pickup line gets shot down, it can lead to a daily awkward passing on the platform...no thanks.
Rule 4: Try to refrain on eating anything with a strong odor. Even eggs in the morning can stink up a train car and start everybody's day off on the wrong foot.
Rule 5: Don't turn a seat (that you're sharing) into your personal office. Some people will sit down and take out their laptop, folders, papers, notepads, while trying to balance a coffee in their lap. I've had coffee dropped in my seat three times in the last few months from idiots trying to cram in 20 minutes of work that can probably be done in 30 seconds if they wait until they're in the fucking office. I know alot of people have powerful and important jobs out there, but if your work can't be done on a blackberry or a laptop, just wait...don't be a dick.
Rule 6: I can't stress this rule enough. KEEP GOOD HYGIENE!!! I carry a bottle of cologne in my work bag and re-apply after work so I'm smelling fresh for any people I have to share my personal space with for the next hour and a half. I'm not saying you have to go to that extreme, but if you know you smell dank, go stand in the corridors.
I hope nobody takes these rules personal. If you're reading this and commute with me, most likely I'm not calling anybody out...Just want to make sure we're all on the same page right?
Thanks for your time and I look forward to giving you a head nod in future mornings,
-Diddy
I didn't think much of it, and continued to talk. Thirty seconds later, when I hung up my phone, she turns to me and says (in a much louder voice than I was talking) "NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOUR BUSINESS!"
In my mind, I was envisioning me reacting with physical force....I mean, I would never hit a female, but shaking her really hard wasn't out of the question. From the looks of her, I knew she was on her way home to her empty apartment and 30 cats, so I just responded with, "Relax lady, it's the weekend." That led me to this post. For my fellow commuters who still haven't caught on to basic commuting etiquette, continue reading.
Dear Harlem Line Commuters:
I know I've seen the same 30 or 40 faces every day for the last three years and I haven't said a word to any of you, but there is a reason. I live by a few rules that make commuting as tolerable as possible. Please read below and don't take anything personal:
Rule 1: There is a system for seating. First, everyone fills up the window seats in the two seaters and three seaters. The next wave of passengers should fill up the outside seat of the three seaters. The next wave of people should be filling the two seaters. IF YOU MUST, the third wave can intrude, and sit bitch in the three seaters. I never sit middle in the three seaters, because I feel it's better for me to be uncomfortable for a few minutes standing, rather than making all three of us uncomfortable squished in a three seater...I guess you can call me a humanitarian. For most women, it could be perfectly acceptable to sit bitch and still leave some wiggle room for the other two passengers. But for men...just man-up and stand...most likely you'll be sitting at work all day anyway, right?
Rule 2: Yes, there are cell phone rules. In the morning commute, there should be no phone chatter longer than 15 seconds (the ample amount of time to tell that somebody that you're on the train and will talk to them later). In the afternoon, it's still not acceptable to have lengthy convos. Keep it brief, keep it quiet and emphasize you're on the train to show other commuters you have them in mind. Now...there IS an exception. Fridays and weekends are fair-game for appropriate phone conversation. I'm not saying be obnoxious about it, but it's perfectly fine to have a quiet phone call...It's the weekend and nobody is on the grind. If this still annoys people who are sitting next to you, politely tell them that there are six other cars they can go sit in.
Rule 3: Keep conversation with fellow commuters strictly business, unless there is a pre-existing relationship. This rule is one I came up with, and for good reason. I bump into alot of people on my travels, and I only have a desire to talk to about 2 percent of them. If you see people every day and want to be friendly, a simple hello or head nod is all you need. Even if you think you're friends, I guarantee they rather be sleeping on that morning train. This also brings up flirting. I see this happen from time-to-time and if it's not going well, I start to feel awkward on the inside for the brave young men getting shot down. Just remember in the back of your mind that you will have to see these people every day for however long you will continue to commute. If your cheesy pickup line gets shot down, it can lead to a daily awkward passing on the platform...no thanks.
Rule 4: Try to refrain on eating anything with a strong odor. Even eggs in the morning can stink up a train car and start everybody's day off on the wrong foot.
Rule 5: Don't turn a seat (that you're sharing) into your personal office. Some people will sit down and take out their laptop, folders, papers, notepads, while trying to balance a coffee in their lap. I've had coffee dropped in my seat three times in the last few months from idiots trying to cram in 20 minutes of work that can probably be done in 30 seconds if they wait until they're in the fucking office. I know alot of people have powerful and important jobs out there, but if your work can't be done on a blackberry or a laptop, just wait...don't be a dick.
Rule 6: I can't stress this rule enough. KEEP GOOD HYGIENE!!! I carry a bottle of cologne in my work bag and re-apply after work so I'm smelling fresh for any people I have to share my personal space with for the next hour and a half. I'm not saying you have to go to that extreme, but if you know you smell dank, go stand in the corridors.
I hope nobody takes these rules personal. If you're reading this and commute with me, most likely I'm not calling anybody out...Just want to make sure we're all on the same page right?
Thanks for your time and I look forward to giving you a head nod in future mornings,
-Diddy
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
"Here's the Situation"....You're a D-Bag
I was going to attempt to do the first NBD book review in this post, but was unable to. I really intended to buy "Here's the Situation" that was just released by Jersey Shore cast member, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino. The idea was to do a book review in a mocking manner, but something happened at the end of last week: I heard The Situation talk.
I'll admit, I've seen two episodes of the Jersey Shore during the first season. I hate reality TV, and always try to lead by example by not watching that shit, but that just slipped through the cracks. I haven't watched an episode since, and just from the two episodes, I felt like I had a good handle on what "The Situation" was trying to bank on. Yes, he's a wannabe guido in Jersey trying to milk his 15 minutes of fame. But, after a radio interview, I wasn't even close to pin-pointing exactly how much of a douche bag this kid is.
I'm a hater. I have no problem admitting that I hate on people who fall ass backwards into money. But, when somebody talks about their blind-luck like they actually affected society in a positive way to gross a few million dollars a year, that's when I draw the line.
This 144 page abortion drew a crowd of thousands to a book signing last week...IN THE RAIN. I'm afraid to check the national best-seller list.
So, on the radio show he was on, they asked him what he thinks about all this hoopla on his book release.
The answer I wish he gave: "It's crazy how many people showed up. I'll just enjoy the moment while it's here and I appreciate their support for me and the Jersey Shore."
The answer he gave (from memory): "You knowwww, I really tried to target this book at the audience of the Jersey Shore to get started. Then, you knowwwww, I can expand to an autobiography or a cook book. You knowwwwww, I'd like to tell my story and what I have been through."
Watch out Steve Jobs and Bill Gates...The Situation plans on getting his foot in the door and taking over consumer markets.
So there I was staring at The Situation's book in the store, deciding if I should really go through the embarrassment of the book store clerk rolling her eyes at me when I bring it to the counter for my "mock" book review. But, in the back of my mind I just kept hearing, "You knowwwwww, c'mon Todd, just read it. You knowwwww, don't forget to pick up my cologne, workout video, best-of Jersey Shore quote book, my new upcoming clothing line, and future book releases." (I didn't make up any of that shit I just listed)
I stepped down and walked out of the store with my tail between my legs. I couldn't do it. So, I apologize to those who saw the headline and hoped there would be a book review to follow...I just couldn't go through with it.
The hate wouldn't let me give in to The Situation...not this time...not even for comedic reasons...sigghhhh.
- Diddy
I'll admit, I've seen two episodes of the Jersey Shore during the first season. I hate reality TV, and always try to lead by example by not watching that shit, but that just slipped through the cracks. I haven't watched an episode since, and just from the two episodes, I felt like I had a good handle on what "The Situation" was trying to bank on. Yes, he's a wannabe guido in Jersey trying to milk his 15 minutes of fame. But, after a radio interview, I wasn't even close to pin-pointing exactly how much of a douche bag this kid is.
I'm a hater. I have no problem admitting that I hate on people who fall ass backwards into money. But, when somebody talks about their blind-luck like they actually affected society in a positive way to gross a few million dollars a year, that's when I draw the line.
This 144 page abortion drew a crowd of thousands to a book signing last week...IN THE RAIN. I'm afraid to check the national best-seller list.
So, on the radio show he was on, they asked him what he thinks about all this hoopla on his book release.
The answer I wish he gave: "It's crazy how many people showed up. I'll just enjoy the moment while it's here and I appreciate their support for me and the Jersey Shore."
The answer he gave (from memory): "You knowwww, I really tried to target this book at the audience of the Jersey Shore to get started. Then, you knowwwww, I can expand to an autobiography or a cook book. You knowwwwww, I'd like to tell my story and what I have been through."
Watch out Steve Jobs and Bill Gates...The Situation plans on getting his foot in the door and taking over consumer markets.
So there I was staring at The Situation's book in the store, deciding if I should really go through the embarrassment of the book store clerk rolling her eyes at me when I bring it to the counter for my "mock" book review. But, in the back of my mind I just kept hearing, "You knowwwwww, c'mon Todd, just read it. You knowwwww, don't forget to pick up my cologne, workout video, best-of Jersey Shore quote book, my new upcoming clothing line, and future book releases." (I didn't make up any of that shit I just listed)
I stepped down and walked out of the store with my tail between my legs. I couldn't do it. So, I apologize to those who saw the headline and hoped there would be a book review to follow...I just couldn't go through with it.
The hate wouldn't let me give in to The Situation...not this time...not even for comedic reasons...sigghhhh.
- Diddy
Friday, November 5, 2010
NBD's Memory Lane: The Legend of Funyons
This will be the first of, hopefully, many Memory Lane posts. These posts cover great moments, stories, accidents, parties, etc that will make a specific group of people laugh really hard...and hopefully will get a chuckle from the rest of the readers. This first Memory Lane is about an insignificant night that really embodied somebody's reputation in a few seconds...Enter: The Legend of Funyons.
Funyons was my roommate during my Junior year in college. I didn't really know him before I moved in with him, but we had a lot of mutual friends and I needed a place to get off campus. So, the first month living together, the reputation of Funyons was this: He tended to like 'bigger' gals. I didn't know too much about him, but that was the word around our circle of friends. I just didn't understand where the rumor came from after hanging out with him the first month of living together.
One Friday night, I was sitting in my shitty living room with my two other roommates. Funyons was passed out in his room after disappearing for three days on one of his normal binges. All the parties were over and the bars were closing, so it was that hazy time when everyone is in a zombie mode right before passing out drunk.
As we were zoned out staring at the TV, there was a loud knock at our door. I opened it up to see three very, very large gals. As I bent my neck upward to greet them, I had no idea what they wanted or why they were here. When I asked what they wanted, they responded, "Does Funyons live here?" Without saying anything, I just pointed toward his door, and watched the three behemoths walk single-file into his room and lock the door.
Ummmm.....
I sat back down and looked at my other roommates and we just had huge smiles on our faces. This was the first of many similar nights living with Funyons, but this one was special. It was as if he put flyers up around town, or if they didn't get to his room before 3a.m., they'd turn into pumpkins or something.
The legend of Funyons was alive and well, and I never questioned his reputation as a chubby-chaser again.
And, if any pretty ladies want to set up an appointment...leave a comment!
- Diddy
Funyons was my roommate during my Junior year in college. I didn't really know him before I moved in with him, but we had a lot of mutual friends and I needed a place to get off campus. So, the first month living together, the reputation of Funyons was this: He tended to like 'bigger' gals. I didn't know too much about him, but that was the word around our circle of friends. I just didn't understand where the rumor came from after hanging out with him the first month of living together.
One Friday night, I was sitting in my shitty living room with my two other roommates. Funyons was passed out in his room after disappearing for three days on one of his normal binges. All the parties were over and the bars were closing, so it was that hazy time when everyone is in a zombie mode right before passing out drunk.
As we were zoned out staring at the TV, there was a loud knock at our door. I opened it up to see three very, very large gals. As I bent my neck upward to greet them, I had no idea what they wanted or why they were here. When I asked what they wanted, they responded, "Does Funyons live here?" Without saying anything, I just pointed toward his door, and watched the three behemoths walk single-file into his room and lock the door.
Ummmm.....
I sat back down and looked at my other roommates and we just had huge smiles on our faces. This was the first of many similar nights living with Funyons, but this one was special. It was as if he put flyers up around town, or if they didn't get to his room before 3a.m., they'd turn into pumpkins or something.
The legend of Funyons was alive and well, and I never questioned his reputation as a chubby-chaser again.
And, if any pretty ladies want to set up an appointment...leave a comment!
- Diddy
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Prop 19 gets shot down...Old-timers everywhere unplug their oxygen tanks and rejoice
For those who live under a rock and don't know what Prop 19 is, it was the initiative to legalize and tax marijuana in California. And it fell about 500,000 votes short.
First reaction: Not a huge surprise there.
Then the LA Times released the numbers of approval ratings from different sections of voters. Again, not terribly surprised. Apparently, old people and Asian people realllllly don't like herb. Asian American voters opposed it at a number of 62% to 38%. OK, the Asian thing was a little surprising?
Old people (ages 65 and up) opposed it more than 2 to 1. Republicans rejected it 70% to 30%.
And the most interesting number to me was this: Voters with a high school degree or less (less educated) were strongly opposed, turning 61% to 39% against it.
I'm not going to go on a hippie rant about why weed is good and would stimulate the economy in California (the one state that should be trying everything they possibly can to generate economic gain).
What really pisses me off are articles that are describing the defeat as a victory....Saying it "sparked debate." Articles like this one. No it didn't. This has been a topic for discussion for years. Ignorant people will remain ignorant on certain issues. Mainly, issues they know nothing about. I apologize for generalizing because there was opposition in every political party and age group, but in a nutshell, the people that kept the lid on this bill are old people, uneducated people, and ultra-conservatives.
These are the people that watch Reefer Madness, and take it like a factual handbook. These are the people that view pot as a dangerous drug. These are the people that will continue to ignore the science and facts behind marijuana...just because. And don't expect the current "liberal" administration to ever address this topic...the key voter demographics that support this issue only made up 13% of the votes for Prop 19. I'm not sure if that percentage is high enough to sway them to actually use legalizing marijuana as a wedge issue for the next election.
So, instead of going to a shop or cafe to enjoy weed legally (like booze), I guess everyone must go back to meeting shady dealers to buy overpriced weed where the money won't contribute to anything but a new flat screen TV for your dealer.
And for your viewing pleasure:
- Diddy
First reaction: Not a huge surprise there.
Then the LA Times released the numbers of approval ratings from different sections of voters. Again, not terribly surprised. Apparently, old people and Asian people realllllly don't like herb. Asian American voters opposed it at a number of 62% to 38%. OK, the Asian thing was a little surprising?
Old people (ages 65 and up) opposed it more than 2 to 1. Republicans rejected it 70% to 30%.
And the most interesting number to me was this: Voters with a high school degree or less (less educated) were strongly opposed, turning 61% to 39% against it.
I'm not going to go on a hippie rant about why weed is good and would stimulate the economy in California (the one state that should be trying everything they possibly can to generate economic gain).
What really pisses me off are articles that are describing the defeat as a victory....Saying it "sparked debate." Articles like this one. No it didn't. This has been a topic for discussion for years. Ignorant people will remain ignorant on certain issues. Mainly, issues they know nothing about. I apologize for generalizing because there was opposition in every political party and age group, but in a nutshell, the people that kept the lid on this bill are old people, uneducated people, and ultra-conservatives.
These are the people that watch Reefer Madness, and take it like a factual handbook. These are the people that view pot as a dangerous drug. These are the people that will continue to ignore the science and facts behind marijuana...just because. And don't expect the current "liberal" administration to ever address this topic...the key voter demographics that support this issue only made up 13% of the votes for Prop 19. I'm not sure if that percentage is high enough to sway them to actually use legalizing marijuana as a wedge issue for the next election.
So, instead of going to a shop or cafe to enjoy weed legally (like booze), I guess everyone must go back to meeting shady dealers to buy overpriced weed where the money won't contribute to anything but a new flat screen TV for your dealer.
And for your viewing pleasure:
- Diddy
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
BIGGS' BIGG UPS & BIGG DOWNS
This will be a new and recurring weekly topic where I will have the opportunity to show BIGG UPS or BIGG DOWNS to a variety of topics pertaining to the entertainment world or advertising. This weeks BIGG UP goes to the current advertising campaign for E-Trade. E-Trade is a financial services company that is based out of New York CIty. I have found the E-Trade "baby commercials" to continue to deliver some of the most comical advertising on television today. Their most recent commercial opens with their standard male baby in time-out. He states, "I'm in time out because apparently riding the dog like it's a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment!" Hilarious commercial E-Trade, keep up the good work, and most importantly BIGG UPS!
I will also include another all time E-Trade favorite of mine. All you golfers out there will appreciate this one too.
-BIGGS
I will also include another all time E-Trade favorite of mine. All you golfers out there will appreciate this one too.
-BIGGS
Get out and vote...or not...I don't care
Finally, it's time to hit the voting booths and pull the lever of your favorite rich lunatic that will, most likely, not affect your day-to-day life in any way.
I'm convinced 2010 is the year that politics has officially gone bat-shit-crazy.
Some random political candidates include:
Levi Johnson (Alaska) - Running for mayor because....well, why not, it's Wasilla, Alaska.
Carl Paladino (NY) - NY's very own homophobe who also doesn't mind threatening reporters to take them down with force.
Christine O'Donnell (Delaware) - No comment
Douglas Hughes (California) - One of his ideas includes creating an island to send pedophiles to. I guess if you've ever seen Escape From L.A., it would be something like that?
Alvin Greene (South Carolina) - One of my personal favorites. He won the democratic primary without giving any speeches or interviews. He refuses to wander off talking points. He's unemployed. He is fighting a felony charge. It is also said that the Republican party has planted Greene in his position. His campaign slogan? "No comment."
Rich Iott (Ohio) - This Tea Party candidate spends his free time dressing up in Nazi Germany SS uniforms and says that he is "fascinated by the fact that here was a relatively small country (Nazi Germany) that from a strictly military point of view accomplished incredible things." Well, "incredible" wouldn't be the first word I would've chosen....
Jimmy McMillan (NY) - The Rent is too Damn High party. If you haven't heard or seen this guy, just Google it. Aside from saying that he had between 500-1000 confirmed kills in Vietnam on the radio show Opie and Anthony, he has the best mustache (by far) in the 2010 election season.
Well, there you have it. I haven't scratched the surface and am still leaving out candidates like: Sharron "2nd amendment remedies" Angle, Jan Brewer (who might've won the award for worst opening statement in the history of politics), Linda Mcmahon and of course...Phil "lives in a van down by the river" Davison:
Have politics always been this crazy? Maybe they have and we're just catching on now? But, if somebody gets mad at you for not voting and tries to speak down at you because you don't vote...just send them to this post.
- Diddy
I'm convinced 2010 is the year that politics has officially gone bat-shit-crazy.
Some random political candidates include:
Levi Johnson (Alaska) - Running for mayor because....well, why not, it's Wasilla, Alaska.
Carl Paladino (NY) - NY's very own homophobe who also doesn't mind threatening reporters to take them down with force.
Christine O'Donnell (Delaware) - No comment
Douglas Hughes (California) - One of his ideas includes creating an island to send pedophiles to. I guess if you've ever seen Escape From L.A., it would be something like that?
Alvin Greene (South Carolina) - One of my personal favorites. He won the democratic primary without giving any speeches or interviews. He refuses to wander off talking points. He's unemployed. He is fighting a felony charge. It is also said that the Republican party has planted Greene in his position. His campaign slogan? "No comment."
Rich Iott (Ohio) - This Tea Party candidate spends his free time dressing up in Nazi Germany SS uniforms and says that he is "fascinated by the fact that here was a relatively small country (Nazi Germany) that from a strictly military point of view accomplished incredible things." Well, "incredible" wouldn't be the first word I would've chosen....
Jimmy McMillan (NY) - The Rent is too Damn High party. If you haven't heard or seen this guy, just Google it. Aside from saying that he had between 500-1000 confirmed kills in Vietnam on the radio show Opie and Anthony, he has the best mustache (by far) in the 2010 election season.
Well, there you have it. I haven't scratched the surface and am still leaving out candidates like: Sharron "2nd amendment remedies" Angle, Jan Brewer (who might've won the award for worst opening statement in the history of politics), Linda Mcmahon and of course...Phil "lives in a van down by the river" Davison:
Have politics always been this crazy? Maybe they have and we're just catching on now? But, if somebody gets mad at you for not voting and tries to speak down at you because you don't vote...just send them to this post.
- Diddy
Monday, November 1, 2010
If I was homeless...I'd be walkin'
The weather is sub-par, it's dirty, it's infested by every type of rodent, and people for the most part don't seem to give a shit when they step over some homeless guy sprawled out on newspapers. New Yorkers see homeless people all the time. They are fixtures, rather than people with feelings to a New Yorker. One thing I've noticed since I've started working in NYC is this: I used to politely say "no thank you" to people handing out annoying flyers, and "sorry, I don't have change" to homeless guys holding out empty coffee cups. I acknowledged that they were there trying to communicate with me.
Three years later, those same people could be handing out money, and I wouldn't notice because I no longer acknowledge their existence. And I'm not doing it on purpose, that's just how it is when you see these people every day (I'm actually a generous guy when it comes to donating and whatnot).
So this is what I say to all of NYC's homeless: START WALKING! Why spend nights shivering on the cold, dirty streets of NY? Walk to California or Florida. Use the change you actually collect for a bus ticket out of here!
If you're going to be homeless, be homeless in a warm climate with pedestrians who aren't accustomed to seeing homeless people like NY. If I was homeless, I'd rather be on a beach in San Diego asking people for change than outside grand central laying on a stack of AM NY newspapers.
I'm not saying this to be mean or insensitive to the homeless....I really think they should consider this. What's the worst that can happen? They don't make it to a sunny climate and they are homeless in another town that can't possibly be worse than NYC?
And don't say, "There's no place like NYC." That statement is true if you have a place to live and can actually enjoy what NYC has to offer.
So, if there are any homeless people out there who stumbled upon an open laptop on a Starbucks table and can read this post...Get going! Good luck and God's speed.
- Diddy
Friday, October 29, 2010
Yellow Fever
I forgot exactly who said it, but there was a comedian who had a bit in his act that went something along the lines of, "I wish I was Asian...That way, my obsession for Asian girls wouldn't be as creepy."
Growing up in Dutchess County and going to college in Plattsburgh...Let's just say there wasn't much "variety" out there. I've seen enough boring upstate white girls to last me a lifetime (Don't take this the wrong way, ladies. I still love boring white girls). When I started working in Manhattan, it's quite a different array of females out there.
"Yellow Fever" is a term that describes men who have a crazy obsession for asian girls. I'm not sure if it's racist or not, but for blogging reasons, my intent is not to be racist. I have a genuine attraction to asian girls.
I think I know where to pin-point this sudden change.
Have you ever had a REALLY bad experience with a particular liquor or alcoholic beverage, and from that point on you just can't stand the site of that drink? It's kind of like that for Yellow Fever as well, except the complete opposite.
My moment boils down to a trip to Toronto with two of my buddies. The hotel we were staying at was having some cosmetics convention, where hundreds of cute asian girls were walking around and karaoke in the bars. I was surrounded! From that point on, I caught the fever....and the only prescription was more asians. Now I can't walk down the street without hurting my neck trying to get a look at every average-to-above-average asian girl that walks by!
So, I encourage all guys who have Yellow Fever to come out and just admit it. I know for a FACT there are others who caught the fever themselves, but hide it on their hard drives at home with archives of asian porn. There is nothing to be ashamed of, fellas. Enough of the boring white girls!!!
Does this post make me sound creepy???
- Diddy
Growing up in Dutchess County and going to college in Plattsburgh...Let's just say there wasn't much "variety" out there. I've seen enough boring upstate white girls to last me a lifetime (Don't take this the wrong way, ladies. I still love boring white girls). When I started working in Manhattan, it's quite a different array of females out there.
"Yellow Fever" is a term that describes men who have a crazy obsession for asian girls. I'm not sure if it's racist or not, but for blogging reasons, my intent is not to be racist. I have a genuine attraction to asian girls.
I think I know where to pin-point this sudden change.
Have you ever had a REALLY bad experience with a particular liquor or alcoholic beverage, and from that point on you just can't stand the site of that drink? It's kind of like that for Yellow Fever as well, except the complete opposite.
My moment boils down to a trip to Toronto with two of my buddies. The hotel we were staying at was having some cosmetics convention, where hundreds of cute asian girls were walking around and karaoke in the bars. I was surrounded! From that point on, I caught the fever....and the only prescription was more asians. Now I can't walk down the street without hurting my neck trying to get a look at every average-to-above-average asian girl that walks by!
So, I encourage all guys who have Yellow Fever to come out and just admit it. I know for a FACT there are others who caught the fever themselves, but hide it on their hard drives at home with archives of asian porn. There is nothing to be ashamed of, fellas. Enough of the boring white girls!!!
Does this post make me sound creepy???
- Diddy
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Old cereal commercials.....THEY'REEEE GREAAAAT!!
I tried to force myself not to use Tony the Tiger in this post, so I figure I'd drop that in the title. Something hit me tonight. Remember not too long ago, when we had really cool or so-corny-it's-cool cereal commercials? You don't remember?
Trix
Corn Pops
Cookie Crisp
Rice Krispies
Count Chocula
And my personal favorite:
Raisin Bran
Where did shit like this go??!! My first theory is, maybe I just don't watch the same TV shows I used to watch who had the target demographics for this stuff (actually stoned 18-34 year olds is the more appropriate audience for this). Or, maybe all these great cereal personalities have formed some sort of labor union and didn't like how they were being seen in the media. I don't know, you tell me.
Whatever the case may be, I think a few letters need to be written and a few phone calls should be made. Don't let these cereal companies act like they're too cocky to advertise their shitty products with awesome commercials.
- Diddy
Trix
Corn Pops
Cookie Crisp
Rice Krispies
Count Chocula
And my personal favorite:
Raisin Bran
Where did shit like this go??!! My first theory is, maybe I just don't watch the same TV shows I used to watch who had the target demographics for this stuff (actually stoned 18-34 year olds is the more appropriate audience for this). Or, maybe all these great cereal personalities have formed some sort of labor union and didn't like how they were being seen in the media. I don't know, you tell me.
Whatever the case may be, I think a few letters need to be written and a few phone calls should be made. Don't let these cereal companies act like they're too cocky to advertise their shitty products with awesome commercials.
- Diddy
Can Time Travel Really Exist
I am one of the millions of people who have wished that they could jump back in time and correctly bet the superbowl victor. Champagne would fall from the heavens and I would buy a Lamborghini. However, I think that there are simplistic reasons why time travel will never exist. Or if it will someday regular everyday people like you and I will never get to use the technology.
1) If time travel were to exist, wouldn't someone have already traveled back to within the first 2000 yeas of A.D. to reveal our future powers.
2) Maybe we can perform the feat someday, however since no one has ever been seen time traveling I would bet that the government has declared it illegal to do so. Even in the future we will be held down by the man.
3) Maybe as intelligent futuristic humans we have realized that time traveling is just too dangerous. Humanity itself might be at risk when trying to bend time and change the past. The (2004) movie "Butterfly Effect" shows a glimpse at the possible wrath and dangers of the Chaos Theory.
This post encourages thoughts and responses to the topic. I fear, however, time travel will never be as easy as a Flux Capacitor and a Delorian.
- Biggs
1) If time travel were to exist, wouldn't someone have already traveled back to within the first 2000 yeas of A.D. to reveal our future powers.
2) Maybe we can perform the feat someday, however since no one has ever been seen time traveling I would bet that the government has declared it illegal to do so. Even in the future we will be held down by the man.
3) Maybe as intelligent futuristic humans we have realized that time traveling is just too dangerous. Humanity itself might be at risk when trying to bend time and change the past. The (2004) movie "Butterfly Effect" shows a glimpse at the possible wrath and dangers of the Chaos Theory.
This post encourages thoughts and responses to the topic. I fear, however, time travel will never be as easy as a Flux Capacitor and a Delorian.
- Biggs
Working in Cubes
It's hard to handle stress, especially in a work environment. Let's face it, you can't handle stress the same way when you have bosses and co-workers surrounding you at all times throughout the day. You can't throw things, you certainly can't drop f-bombs and you can't go around trashing shit in the office...that just wouldn't be good for anybody.
Knowing this, is there any good reason for a human being to be forced into a 6x6 cubicle to handle day-to-day stress? The only thing these cubicles are missing are lids with holes poked in it. If there is any advice I can give to the young go-getters finishing college it's this: DON'T WORK IN A CUBICLE!
If you've ever seen Office Space, it's kinda like that...Only not funny at all, and you don't get to bang Jennifer Anniston when it's all said and done.
It really is pathetic. Proud people are forced to celebrate holidays by Scotch Taping shitty paper snowmen and pumpkins on their cube. You express your independence by having clever pencil holders and paper weights. If you're REALLY daring, you'll even have a stress relief ball and a personalized calendar.
But, the biggest pussies of them all just bitch on a blog about it.
On the flip side of things...there are heroes out there:
- Diddy
Knowing this, is there any good reason for a human being to be forced into a 6x6 cubicle to handle day-to-day stress? The only thing these cubicles are missing are lids with holes poked in it. If there is any advice I can give to the young go-getters finishing college it's this: DON'T WORK IN A CUBICLE!
It really is pathetic. Proud people are forced to celebrate holidays by Scotch Taping shitty paper snowmen and pumpkins on their cube. You express your independence by having clever pencil holders and paper weights. If you're REALLY daring, you'll even have a stress relief ball and a personalized calendar.
But, the biggest pussies of them all just bitch on a blog about it.
On the flip side of things...there are heroes out there:
- Diddy
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
In Defense of Charlie Sheen
I don't get it. I thought getting caught with hookers and cocaine is one way to become famous in America? You get dirty whores videotaping sex acts, and get their own reality TV show a week later. Charlie Sheen is known as a booze hound, coke head and a womanizer. Was anybody really surprised with this recent story??
If you're too lazy to read the whole 30 words of that story, let me sum it up for you:
"Police found a trashed room, including a broken chandelier and hotel furniture. Oh – and a naked and belligerently drunk man named Charlie Sheen."
Now, I hate reality TV. BUT, if networks were smart, they'd be having a meeting right now in some conference room with fancy mahogany tables and leather seats saying, "How the hell do we get a camera on this guy at all times?!"
The point I'm trying to make here is: If we are going to have reality TV (and it doesn't appear it will ever go away), let's really get a glimpse of reality. Sheen is as real as it gets. So, Charlie (aka Wild Thing Rick Vaugn)...NBD supports you!
- Diddy
If you're too lazy to read the whole 30 words of that story, let me sum it up for you:
"Police found a trashed room, including a broken chandelier and hotel furniture. Oh – and a naked and belligerently drunk man named Charlie Sheen."
The point I'm trying to make here is: If we are going to have reality TV (and it doesn't appear it will ever go away), let's really get a glimpse of reality. Sheen is as real as it gets. So, Charlie (aka Wild Thing Rick Vaugn)...NBD supports you!
- Diddy
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
NBD Glossary: When it's time to pick up the tab...'Dee Brown' that shit
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| Dee Brown'in it ya'll |
When the time comes when somebody has to pull out their plastic and run it through, just ask, "Who's Dee-Brown'ing it tonight?"
Dee-Brown (v.): To blindly pick up an outrageous tab. eg: "Who's Dee-Brown'ing this check?"
It's pretty simple. Take your credit card. Put one arm over your eyes so you can't see what the damage is. And, swipe that shit before you think too much about it. Congrats...you just Dee-Brown'd your first tab.
Welcome: Where have all the good women gone...I mean weed-men
Welcome to It's No Big Deal. I could spend time writing what this blog will be about and why everyone should read it, but fuck that and let's get to the first post. Consider this the beginning of a soon-to-be historic run from Diddy and Biggs.
For my first post, I'd like to talk about my stressful week leading up to last weekend. I commute and work 12 hours a day from Mon-Fri, but this was not the root cause of my stress last week. I happen to partake in herbal relaxation on a daily basis, and have had a steady weed-man in my life for over a year. Before people question my sexual preference for my creepy wording about my weed-man, let me explain something to you. In many ways, the relationship of a weed-man is much like a new girlfriend. Allow me to explain:
- In NYC, just like women, you can throw a stone on any corner and hit somebody who's selling.
- There are many types of weed-men. Some are clingy and want you to hang out with them. Some won't return your phone calls, and will only leave you to want him more. Some will rip you off, but they know you depend on them (starting to catch my drift here?).
- Sometimes you have to know when to cut your weed-man free and find somebody else...somebody better.
Well, I had it made. My guy would meet me at my convenience, with generous bags...until he went missing. No texts were returned, and I was dry as a judge, with a big weekend approaching. He got pinched, and had to stay off his phone until further notice, leaving me high and dry...well actually not high at all.
Calling random friends who I haven't talked to in months is awkward...especially when the reason you're calling is because you're looking for herb. Can't there be some type of social network for this? It's bad enough shoulder-tapping, but it's even worse emptying my phone book. I can only imagine their response when they saw my text....."Really? This is why you texted me? Go fuck yourself."
To fast-forward, I did finally get my fix through some old golf buddies (for those who don't know, golf course employees are great for hook-ups...even the kitchen staff!). But, the week of searching for a new weed-man was truly miserable. So, for all those friendly dealers out there, I'm just saying...Try to be comforting and supportive to all your clientele out there...They depend on you. And for all you addicts out there with awesome dealers: You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone!
- Diddy
For my first post, I'd like to talk about my stressful week leading up to last weekend. I commute and work 12 hours a day from Mon-Fri, but this was not the root cause of my stress last week. I happen to partake in herbal relaxation on a daily basis, and have had a steady weed-man in my life for over a year. Before people question my sexual preference for my creepy wording about my weed-man, let me explain something to you. In many ways, the relationship of a weed-man is much like a new girlfriend. Allow me to explain:
- In NYC, just like women, you can throw a stone on any corner and hit somebody who's selling.
- There are many types of weed-men. Some are clingy and want you to hang out with them. Some won't return your phone calls, and will only leave you to want him more. Some will rip you off, but they know you depend on them (starting to catch my drift here?).
- Sometimes you have to know when to cut your weed-man free and find somebody else...somebody better.
Well, I had it made. My guy would meet me at my convenience, with generous bags...until he went missing. No texts were returned, and I was dry as a judge, with a big weekend approaching. He got pinched, and had to stay off his phone until further notice, leaving me high and dry...well actually not high at all.
Calling random friends who I haven't talked to in months is awkward...especially when the reason you're calling is because you're looking for herb. Can't there be some type of social network for this? It's bad enough shoulder-tapping, but it's even worse emptying my phone book. I can only imagine their response when they saw my text....."Really? This is why you texted me? Go fuck yourself."
To fast-forward, I did finally get my fix through some old golf buddies (for those who don't know, golf course employees are great for hook-ups...even the kitchen staff!). But, the week of searching for a new weed-man was truly miserable. So, for all those friendly dealers out there, I'm just saying...Try to be comforting and supportive to all your clientele out there...They depend on you. And for all you addicts out there with awesome dealers: You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone!
- Diddy
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