I forgot exactly who said it, but there was a comedian who had a bit in his act that went something along the lines of, "I wish I was Asian...That way, my obsession for Asian girls wouldn't be as creepy."
Growing up in Dutchess County and going to college in Plattsburgh...Let's just say there wasn't much "variety" out there. I've seen enough boring upstate white girls to last me a lifetime (Don't take this the wrong way, ladies. I still love boring white girls). When I started working in Manhattan, it's quite a different array of females out there.
"Yellow Fever" is a term that describes men who have a crazy obsession for asian girls. I'm not sure if it's racist or not, but for blogging reasons, my intent is not to be racist. I have a genuine attraction to asian girls.
I think I know where to pin-point this sudden change.
Have you ever had a REALLY bad experience with a particular liquor or alcoholic beverage, and from that point on you just can't stand the site of that drink? It's kind of like that for Yellow Fever as well, except the complete opposite.
My moment boils down to a trip to Toronto with two of my buddies. The hotel we were staying at was having some cosmetics convention, where hundreds of cute asian girls were walking around and karaoke in the bars. I was surrounded! From that point on, I caught the fever....and the only prescription was more asians. Now I can't walk down the street without hurting my neck trying to get a look at every average-to-above-average asian girl that walks by!
So, I encourage all guys who have Yellow Fever to come out and just admit it. I know for a FACT there are others who caught the fever themselves, but hide it on their hard drives at home with archives of asian porn. There is nothing to be ashamed of, fellas. Enough of the boring white girls!!!
Does this post make me sound creepy???
- Diddy
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Old cereal commercials.....THEY'REEEE GREAAAAT!!
I tried to force myself not to use Tony the Tiger in this post, so I figure I'd drop that in the title. Something hit me tonight. Remember not too long ago, when we had really cool or so-corny-it's-cool cereal commercials? You don't remember?
Trix
Corn Pops
Cookie Crisp
Rice Krispies
Count Chocula
And my personal favorite:
Raisin Bran
Where did shit like this go??!! My first theory is, maybe I just don't watch the same TV shows I used to watch who had the target demographics for this stuff (actually stoned 18-34 year olds is the more appropriate audience for this). Or, maybe all these great cereal personalities have formed some sort of labor union and didn't like how they were being seen in the media. I don't know, you tell me.
Whatever the case may be, I think a few letters need to be written and a few phone calls should be made. Don't let these cereal companies act like they're too cocky to advertise their shitty products with awesome commercials.
- Diddy
Trix
Corn Pops
Cookie Crisp
Rice Krispies
Count Chocula
And my personal favorite:
Raisin Bran
Where did shit like this go??!! My first theory is, maybe I just don't watch the same TV shows I used to watch who had the target demographics for this stuff (actually stoned 18-34 year olds is the more appropriate audience for this). Or, maybe all these great cereal personalities have formed some sort of labor union and didn't like how they were being seen in the media. I don't know, you tell me.
Whatever the case may be, I think a few letters need to be written and a few phone calls should be made. Don't let these cereal companies act like they're too cocky to advertise their shitty products with awesome commercials.
- Diddy
Can Time Travel Really Exist
I am one of the millions of people who have wished that they could jump back in time and correctly bet the superbowl victor. Champagne would fall from the heavens and I would buy a Lamborghini. However, I think that there are simplistic reasons why time travel will never exist. Or if it will someday regular everyday people like you and I will never get to use the technology.
1) If time travel were to exist, wouldn't someone have already traveled back to within the first 2000 yeas of A.D. to reveal our future powers.
2) Maybe we can perform the feat someday, however since no one has ever been seen time traveling I would bet that the government has declared it illegal to do so. Even in the future we will be held down by the man.
3) Maybe as intelligent futuristic humans we have realized that time traveling is just too dangerous. Humanity itself might be at risk when trying to bend time and change the past. The (2004) movie "Butterfly Effect" shows a glimpse at the possible wrath and dangers of the Chaos Theory.
This post encourages thoughts and responses to the topic. I fear, however, time travel will never be as easy as a Flux Capacitor and a Delorian.
- Biggs
1) If time travel were to exist, wouldn't someone have already traveled back to within the first 2000 yeas of A.D. to reveal our future powers.
2) Maybe we can perform the feat someday, however since no one has ever been seen time traveling I would bet that the government has declared it illegal to do so. Even in the future we will be held down by the man.
3) Maybe as intelligent futuristic humans we have realized that time traveling is just too dangerous. Humanity itself might be at risk when trying to bend time and change the past. The (2004) movie "Butterfly Effect" shows a glimpse at the possible wrath and dangers of the Chaos Theory.
This post encourages thoughts and responses to the topic. I fear, however, time travel will never be as easy as a Flux Capacitor and a Delorian.
- Biggs
Working in Cubes
It's hard to handle stress, especially in a work environment. Let's face it, you can't handle stress the same way when you have bosses and co-workers surrounding you at all times throughout the day. You can't throw things, you certainly can't drop f-bombs and you can't go around trashing shit in the office...that just wouldn't be good for anybody.
Knowing this, is there any good reason for a human being to be forced into a 6x6 cubicle to handle day-to-day stress? The only thing these cubicles are missing are lids with holes poked in it. If there is any advice I can give to the young go-getters finishing college it's this: DON'T WORK IN A CUBICLE!
If you've ever seen Office Space, it's kinda like that...Only not funny at all, and you don't get to bang Jennifer Anniston when it's all said and done.
It really is pathetic. Proud people are forced to celebrate holidays by Scotch Taping shitty paper snowmen and pumpkins on their cube. You express your independence by having clever pencil holders and paper weights. If you're REALLY daring, you'll even have a stress relief ball and a personalized calendar.
But, the biggest pussies of them all just bitch on a blog about it.
On the flip side of things...there are heroes out there:
- Diddy
Knowing this, is there any good reason for a human being to be forced into a 6x6 cubicle to handle day-to-day stress? The only thing these cubicles are missing are lids with holes poked in it. If there is any advice I can give to the young go-getters finishing college it's this: DON'T WORK IN A CUBICLE!
It really is pathetic. Proud people are forced to celebrate holidays by Scotch Taping shitty paper snowmen and pumpkins on their cube. You express your independence by having clever pencil holders and paper weights. If you're REALLY daring, you'll even have a stress relief ball and a personalized calendar.
But, the biggest pussies of them all just bitch on a blog about it.
On the flip side of things...there are heroes out there:
- Diddy
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
In Defense of Charlie Sheen
I don't get it. I thought getting caught with hookers and cocaine is one way to become famous in America? You get dirty whores videotaping sex acts, and get their own reality TV show a week later. Charlie Sheen is known as a booze hound, coke head and a womanizer. Was anybody really surprised with this recent story??
If you're too lazy to read the whole 30 words of that story, let me sum it up for you:
"Police found a trashed room, including a broken chandelier and hotel furniture. Oh – and a naked and belligerently drunk man named Charlie Sheen."
Now, I hate reality TV. BUT, if networks were smart, they'd be having a meeting right now in some conference room with fancy mahogany tables and leather seats saying, "How the hell do we get a camera on this guy at all times?!"
The point I'm trying to make here is: If we are going to have reality TV (and it doesn't appear it will ever go away), let's really get a glimpse of reality. Sheen is as real as it gets. So, Charlie (aka Wild Thing Rick Vaugn)...NBD supports you!
- Diddy
If you're too lazy to read the whole 30 words of that story, let me sum it up for you:
"Police found a trashed room, including a broken chandelier and hotel furniture. Oh – and a naked and belligerently drunk man named Charlie Sheen."
The point I'm trying to make here is: If we are going to have reality TV (and it doesn't appear it will ever go away), let's really get a glimpse of reality. Sheen is as real as it gets. So, Charlie (aka Wild Thing Rick Vaugn)...NBD supports you!
- Diddy
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
NBD Glossary: When it's time to pick up the tab...'Dee Brown' that shit
 |
| Dee Brown'in it ya'll |
When the time comes when somebody has to pull out their plastic and run it through, just ask, "Who's Dee-Brown'ing it tonight?"
Dee-Brown (v.): To blindly pick up an outrageous tab. eg: "Who's Dee-Brown'ing this check?"
It's pretty simple. Take your credit card. Put one arm over your eyes so you can't see what the damage is. And, swipe that shit before you think too much about it. Congrats...you just Dee-Brown'd your first tab.
Welcome: Where have all the good women gone...I mean weed-men
Welcome to It's No Big Deal. I could spend time writing what this blog will be about and why everyone should read it, but fuck that and let's get to the first post. Consider this the beginning of a soon-to-be historic run from Diddy and Biggs.
For my first post, I'd like to talk about my stressful week leading up to last weekend. I commute and work 12 hours a day from Mon-Fri, but this was not the root cause of my stress last week. I happen to partake in herbal relaxation on a daily basis, and have had a steady weed-man in my life for over a year. Before people question my sexual preference for my creepy wording about my weed-man, let me explain something to you. In many ways, the relationship of a weed-man is much like a new girlfriend. Allow me to explain:
- In NYC, just like women, you can throw a stone on any corner and hit somebody who's selling.
- There are many types of weed-men. Some are clingy and want you to hang out with them. Some won't return your phone calls, and will only leave you to want him more. Some will rip you off, but they know you depend on them (starting to catch my drift here?).
- Sometimes you have to know when to cut your weed-man free and find somebody else...somebody better.
Well, I had it made. My guy would meet me at my convenience, with generous bags...until he went missing. No texts were returned, and I was dry as a judge, with a big weekend approaching. He got pinched, and had to stay off his phone until further notice, leaving me high and dry...well actually not high at all.
Calling random friends who I haven't talked to in months is awkward...especially when the reason you're calling is because you're looking for herb. Can't there be some type of social network for this? It's bad enough shoulder-tapping, but it's even worse emptying my phone book. I can only imagine their response when they saw my text....."Really? This is why you texted me? Go fuck yourself."
To fast-forward, I did finally get my fix through some old golf buddies (for those who don't know, golf course employees are great for hook-ups...even the kitchen staff!). But, the week of searching for a new weed-man was truly miserable. So, for all those friendly dealers out there, I'm just saying...Try to be comforting and supportive to all your clientele out there...They depend on you. And for all you addicts out there with awesome dealers: You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone!
- Diddy
For my first post, I'd like to talk about my stressful week leading up to last weekend. I commute and work 12 hours a day from Mon-Fri, but this was not the root cause of my stress last week. I happen to partake in herbal relaxation on a daily basis, and have had a steady weed-man in my life for over a year. Before people question my sexual preference for my creepy wording about my weed-man, let me explain something to you. In many ways, the relationship of a weed-man is much like a new girlfriend. Allow me to explain:
- In NYC, just like women, you can throw a stone on any corner and hit somebody who's selling.
- There are many types of weed-men. Some are clingy and want you to hang out with them. Some won't return your phone calls, and will only leave you to want him more. Some will rip you off, but they know you depend on them (starting to catch my drift here?).
- Sometimes you have to know when to cut your weed-man free and find somebody else...somebody better.
Well, I had it made. My guy would meet me at my convenience, with generous bags...until he went missing. No texts were returned, and I was dry as a judge, with a big weekend approaching. He got pinched, and had to stay off his phone until further notice, leaving me high and dry...well actually not high at all.
Calling random friends who I haven't talked to in months is awkward...especially when the reason you're calling is because you're looking for herb. Can't there be some type of social network for this? It's bad enough shoulder-tapping, but it's even worse emptying my phone book. I can only imagine their response when they saw my text....."Really? This is why you texted me? Go fuck yourself."
To fast-forward, I did finally get my fix through some old golf buddies (for those who don't know, golf course employees are great for hook-ups...even the kitchen staff!). But, the week of searching for a new weed-man was truly miserable. So, for all those friendly dealers out there, I'm just saying...Try to be comforting and supportive to all your clientele out there...They depend on you. And for all you addicts out there with awesome dealers: You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone!
- Diddy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)