Chivalry is dead for a reason

Women. Quoting one of my favorite lines from the classic movie Major League 2, "Women...You can't live with 'em...and they can't pee standing up."

OK, maybe that doesn't make the most sense, but now that I got you on the topic....

This past week I got in a discussion with one of my Friendgirls about chivalry. She was telling me about how the guys she dates don't hold the doors open and do "old-fashioned" things that men should be doing, according to her.

Let's go over some "old-fashioned" traits that men do for women:
- Open the car door for her first.
- Pull out a chair for her
- Flowers at the beginning of the date
- Coat over her shoulders on a cold night

I'm sure there are a bunch of corny things I'm forgetting, but you get the idea.

Now, I'm not saying I'm against doing these things for women. BUT, for women to be expecting this behavior from men, wishing they were still in a Mad Men era, let's get one thing clear. Things have changed since the ol' days.

Women also used to accept roles to stay home and cook, clean and pretty much be a personal maid for her hubby. (I'm sure many of you have parents and grandparents who fall into traditional "gender roles"). I'm not agreeing with this lifestyle, but keep in mind that when men did all these corny, old fashioned routines on dates, more often than not, somewhere down the line that girl will be wearing an apron paying back those good deeds in spades.

Let me repeat myself: Times have channnnnnged.

Am I saying that men should be rude to women on dates? Of course not. Pull out her chair and open a door for her. But, to hear women whine about how she can't find a good man like she sees on TV....Newsflash....would it be considered sexist for men to wish that we had some old fashioned women who enjoy cooking and cleaning for us?

Nothing pisses me off more than holding a door open for a girl and having her not even acknowledge it. It happens often in NYC.

If anything, I consider myself old-fashioned, but totally agree with the guys who don't go out of their way for women. Why show gratuity if they don't deserve it yet? My generation should be considered the "Going Dutch" generation. It's not like we need to go on dates to find out more about people. You have dating sites and social networking sites for that. Dating is just another formal interview....Act accordingly, gentlemen....but let's not overdue it.

Most likely, that girl will be bitching about your date one way or another to some douchebag like me the next day.

-Diddy

Derek "Mr. 3,000" Jeter

Hello everyone. This post was submitted by our first guest blogger. Today's analysis on Derek Jeter's quest for his 3,000th hit was brought to you by friend-of-the-blog, The Nose. He's an expert (in my opinion) in all-things-baseball and is surgical with Microsoft Excel formulas. Enjoy.

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Below is my summary of Derek Jeter's hits mark, and when I think he will break the record. Yes - excel formulas were used. And yes - I had fun with this.

So, it's no surprise to anyone that Derek Sanderson Jeter is getting older by the day. Last years hits and batting averages had many people questioning his worth, longevity, and ability to sustain a playing career. Jeter has worked countless hours this offseason to hone his hitting skills and prowess at the plate and is still considered, by many, to be one of the top players in the league. On the contrary, many people think that Derek Jeter's numbers are on the decline, due to that one poor season. I beg to differ.

Through his first five seasons, Mr. Jeter has averaged 1.2824 hits per game. Through his next five, 1.2557. Through his last five, you ask? Including this past season, where Jeter averaged a mere .270, his five year average is actually HIGHER than that of his first five and second five year tenure as Yankee shortstop, at 1.2857.  If Jeter continues his stretch from the last five years, he will achieve his 3,000th hit in game 39 this season, or home, vs. BOSTON, on Friday the 13th. Too much negative energy for that to happen. A home game? against Boston? to achieve history? On Friday the 13th, no less? Can't possibly happen. Something has to give...

What's that something, though? How about the fact that his career average hits per game is 1.2749, and that his running 5 year average is 1.2746, which, in both scenarios, makes Jeter's 3,000th hit, assuming he plays in EVERY game this season, which, believe it or not, he has NEVER done, comes in game #59, which is Saturday, June 4, at Los Angeles. From May 27 through June 5, the Yankees go on a 9 game west coast road trip. Jeter, in his career .321 at home, and .307 on the road. Although a large discrepancy, it's not enough to warrant a difference in opinion.

The long road trip, mixed with Jeter's pyschie, may cause for a few more additional games for him to get that elusive hit. Wait 2, 3, or even 4 more days? Than that hit will come against, yes, you guessed it... Boston! Tuesday June 7, 8, or 9.

My analysis was based on hits per game. So now you're probably thinking. Well Joe, hits/game aren't the only factor to take into account. Jeter has had a storied career, and one would think that many variables can come into play. Well, my friend, after a detailed analysis on hits per at bats, it has come to a conclusion that Jeter will STILL get his 3,000th hit in Los Angeles, this time, Friday night, June 3.

Conclusion:Now begs the question: when should we buy tickets for.  Unfortunately, Boston tickets are already pricey and hard to come by. So, my suggestion is to do this:
Before that 9 game road trip is three home games, all during the week, against Toronto; May 23, 24, and 25. However, if one thinks that he will go cold during the road trip, and knowing Girardi, he will want Jeter to get this hit at home, might "rest" Jeter during a few of these games; especially with a day game following a night game on both Wednesday, June 1, and Sunday, June 5.  Being that Boston is on the other end of that road trip, might be then best to get tickets to a game or two for the Friday-Monday series, June 10, 11, 12, and 13 home vs. Cleveland. Also, assuming Jeter will get approximately 2-3 "rest days" off, game 59 does actually fall during the Boston series, Tuesday June 7 to Thursday, June 9.

Days, in order, which I think he will get his hit:Saturday, June 4, @ LAA
Tuesday, June 7, home vs. Boston
Friday, June 10, home vs. Cleveland
Wednesday, May 25, home vs. Toronto
Wednesday, June 8, home vs. Boston
Thursday, June 9, home vs. Boston
Saturday, June 11, home vs. Toronto
And that, my friend, concludes my far-from-expert opinion and calculation on when Jeter will get his 3,000th hit.

Idiots continue to cock block science

I don't care what people believe in. I don't care if your worship a dude or woman in the clouds, or the sun, or an elephant, or cows...whatever gets you through the day. BUT, when your religious or political beliefs start interfering with common sense and scientific breakthroughs, there is a problem.

Two things happened over the past day that made me laugh and shake my head.

1) A new "skin gun" was created that uses stem cells to literally spray on new skin to burn victims that will ultimately regenerate skin growth.

2) Bill O'Reilly challenging scientists to explain where the moon comes from. (giggles)

Why is using stem cells still an issue in this country? We're not murdering people. We're creating stem lines from week-old embryos to help people who are desperately in need....I don't know what else to say about this issue. We're falling behind scientific advancement in health because pro-lifers think this is an ethics issue? Hopefully with recent findings that allow stem cells to be accumulated from skin and organs in adults, maybe support will grow?

And as for Bill O'Reilly...He doesn't need a scientist to explain that. The moon came from Earth. A meteor hit earth and a chunk broke off from Earth. They named it Earth 2 and it later became known as the Moon. Gravitational pull causes objects to take a sphere shape because it is the easiest shape to create in nature. I'm not a scientist and I know this.

Unfortunately, some people can't deal with wrapping their heads around science. I don't know if it's because it's too complicated to understand, or if they're too lazy to care to read about the subject before they draw claims that somebody took a magic wand and made shit magically appear. And the fact that our galaxy is a minute spec in the grand-scheme of things, it's idiotic to assume that God only created this planet with life forms. And yes, Bill, it does make more sense that it was complete luck that the Earth is positioned in a way that humans can survive...that is more believable than what you seem to think happened.

I never grouped O'Reilly in the same category as Glenn Beck. He goes on "liberal" shows to debate. He has fun doing it and doesn't make anything personal. And I know off-set, he is friends with the people who he disagrees with. He's not trying to start a militia against America or anything, but it kills me when I hear him call scientists who forgot more than he'll ever know about astronomy "pinheads." Really? Pinheads? Sorry, Bill, but I'm calling you out on this for the simple fact that you're using 5th grade logic to prove your point....Poophead.

-Diddy

Dear Loyal Customer -- Go F*^% Yourself!

Hello NBD readers...it's been a while. Quite frankly, I haven't had much to write about and have been busy with work, so that caused a little slack with the blog. But I come today with gifts. With the passing of Christmas, I'm sure all of you had returns. Most likely, a lot of your shit from Christmas was bought online.

This was the case with my mom who bought 90 percent of Christmas joy from Amazon. After my nephew didn't want a Mickey Mouse toy, she decided to return it for store credit and just get another toy. Sounds simple, right? Well after running into a return policy that didn't allow her to return the toy (still in the box), an argument ensued between my mother and the company that sells toys on Amazon. Once the dispute was over (or what my mom thought was over), she posted a bad review of the store online. Apparently, online stores don't like bad reviews, and emailed her saying they'll return the toy and will write back with information on where to send it in to them. That email with the information never came, and my mom re-posted the bad review. Below is the email she got from the company....Enjoy! (fyi, I didn't change any formatting in this email, aside from removing my last name):

Dear Ms. XXX:

It would benefit you greatly to learn to read website policies on returns, etc. 

There is nothing wrong with the item we sent to you, you ordered something that you didn't want, obviously read our store policies, and initially emailed us complaining that you didn't want to be charged any fees to return this item.

That is NOT how our store works and our policies are clearly cited, and Amazon.com APPROVED.  Any internet store requires that if you order the incorrect item, YOU pay to return it.

Because we didn't agree to your request, you then left us negative feedback which is unbelievable.  It's buyers like you that need to learn how internet buying works, and not try to blackmail your seller when you don't get your way.  It's alright with you to lie and tarnish our reputation because you are a devious person?  No, it isn't.

Therefore, we are very glad that you filed an A-Z claim with Amazon.com.  Amazon.com requires that you ship the item back to us (on your dime), we refund you MINUS the original shipping cost (your dime) and we impose a 25% restocking fee on the original order. (on your dime).  You need to learn how to be an adult and be accountable for YOUR mistakes and stop trying to make others pay for them.  Because "your daughter was mislead by a commercial" is NOT our problem.

You will receive instructions in another email on shipping this item back, ON YOUR DIME.

You have also been banned from purchasing from us ever again and we are hoping that Amazon.com bans you completely from using their website as well. 


Ahhhh the holidays. Don't you love the friendly consumer/retailor relationship?

-Diddy

Stand-up appreciation

Over the last few months, I've become somewhat obsessed with stand-up comedy. Being in NYC, I'm lucky enough to have a variety of places to see quality comedians. Over the last few weeks I've seen Jim Norton, Jim Gaffigan, Louis CK, Joe Derosa, a few open mic nights, and tonight I'll be seeing Dave Attel.

I don't know what it is, but there is something about standing in front of a bunch of strangers with a microphone to try and make them laugh that is very appealing to me. It seems simple enough, but can be the most excruciating experience to see somebody go on stage and just absolutely bomb. It's awkward for everyone involved.

It's an art. Within the community of comedians, it's just like any other form of art. Everyone has his or her's own style and you can lose your credit within that community for ripping material or being a hack.

Aside from the actual show, the act of going to a comedy club is great. Everyone is drinking, laughing and just having a good time.

This post was just a tip-of-the hat to all those comedians and aspiring comedians out there. And for anybody who hasn't experienced a good comedy set, ditch the bar scene and give it a go with a group of friends one night...guaranteed good time.

Here is a clip from one of my favorite comedians (who I will hopefully see in 2011)...enjoy:



- Diddy

Was anybody watching NCAA women's hoops last night? Didn't think so.

Notice this highschool player
doing something that nobody
on the UCONN women's team
is capable of...dunking a ball.

Apples and oranges. That's my response to the sport announcers giving props to UCONN women's basketball for having the NCAA Division I record for wins...Passing the UCLA men's team from the 70s. OK, let's get a few things straight here. The UCONN women's team is very accomplished and congrats to them. BUT, are we really comparing them to men's NCAA???

The only way I can compare this is if I go golfing with a girl and she boasts that she beat me....from the red tees. Yea, you won. But, you were playing from a much easier position.

I never hear anybody comparing WNBA teams to NBA for winning streaks. Because everyone knows that you can't compare the talent pools. The same should stand for all women's sports. I'm sorry, but they're just not as interesting because the skill level lacks severely from men athletics.

Eighty-nine wins is impressive. But you take this UCONN team to a ranked men's HIGHSCHOOL team, and I think it would be a loss. Why do I think this? If you have one male basketball player in the post that's bigger than the girl, it's a wrap. Plain and simple. Basketball is one sport that if you're bigger, stronger, faster and can jump higher....you're going to win. I don't care how many consecutive wins they have.

And for any women reading this who are getting offended...Look, if they want to be taken seriously, can they at least try using a regulation men's basketball? I've seen some friends par out on a course in golf, but they're not comparing their game to a PGA pro...because they know it's completely different circumstances and they're in another league. Yes, that score can be compared to the pros, but you're not a pro, and ESPN won't be covering your great round tomorrow morning.

I'm not blaming the UCONN women's team for anything. I'm blaming the media for making this a story about this winning streak being the best in ALL OF DIVISION I BASKETBALL.

Even if you don't want to believe the comparisons between men and women sports, just look at the makeup of women's teams. You're either amazing or terrible. The best girls in the country go to one school to play ball, UCONN...and in the past, Tennessee. Men's programs have more intense recruiting efforts, and with the talent, you can see teams like Oakland upset Michigan State. You're not going to see a small school upset women's UCONN because it's most likely a bunch of walk-ons trying to get exercise.

Sorry girls, but you're record means nothing outside of your sport.

-Diddy

Is it creepy going to the movies alone??

Good morning NBD readers. Since I'm bored at work right now, I'm trying to figure out if I should get drunk tonight or go to a movie. I LOVE movies. I especially love when a good movie comes out that I've been patiently waiting for. Tonight, The Fighter is out and it looks pretty damn good, and getting great reviews.

This led me to think about the actual act of going out to see a movie. Have you ever gone out to see a movie alone? I've never accomplished the act of having enough self-confidence to go to a movie by myself. It just seems weird to me. Going to a movie and going out to a restaurant just seem like acts that you need a companion, preferably of the other sex.

I don't know about you, but if I see old men going to movies and restaurants alone, I automatically think they're creepers.

There are also double standards for going to a movie. I was talking about this subject at the last movie I saw when I saw two males (they weren't dating or gay) sitting together at a movie. For some reason it seems perfectly normal for two girls to go see a movie together, but when you see two guys, it just doesn't look right. I guess the stereotypical "dinner and a movie" date premise made it seem like dinner and movies are reserved for couples.

Because of this, I have failed to see several films because my friendgirls didn't agree with my taste in movies. Whenever I'm put in the situation where I have to choose to go see a movie alone or pick another activity to do, it usually results with me going out to the bars or staying home and getting baked watching DVDs. I'd like to start a movement. No longer should movies and dinner be reserved for couples. Be as creepy as you want, and dare to go do these events alone.

With that said, any cute girls out there want to go see The Fighter tonight?

- Diddy